God Loves it When You Tebow

From what I understand, our nation has discovered a craze even crazier than the likes of Beatlemania, the Slinky, and those annoying Baby on Board signs people used to put in their car windows. What new fad could I be referring to? Obviously I'm talking about "Tebowing."

For those of you ignorant regarding this current ditty of Americana, Tebowing comes from Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, who strikes a pose somewhat similar to Rodin's The Thinker sculpture. If you don't know what the hell a "Rodin's The Thinker" is, I suggest doing something with your life other than downloading music from Napster and collecting pet rocks all day long. Anyway, from what I've read on the Internet, after Tebow kicks the winning basket or whatever, he drops to one knee, head on his hand, and thanks God for saving all of those starving African children and/or allowing him to score a touchdown.

Obviously, Tebowing of some sort is as old as sports and probably even as old as God. I can remember watching Drew Brees thank God after winning Super Bowl XXXCMMXVIIX, and can also remember countless other athletes raising a finger (not that finger) and looking skyward (where God lives) in brief supplication after their opponent failed to deliver the pelota between the four and seven lines. God sure is great when he's Christian (American) and you're winning. Imagine if Tebow was Muslim?

I'm not so convinced that God warrants any thanks for allowing you to successfully complete your run of fivesies, or keeping your roll closest to the lag line, or helping you draw Zombie Mammoth after your opponent plays Drillroid, but that's just me. I'd like to think that God is too busy doing important work like saving starving African children or ensuring that Billy Crystal's Oscar monologue is hilarious... Can I hope for one out of two?

Nihilists don't need God in sports. In fact, they don't need anything.